just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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