whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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