and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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