I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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