my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
