Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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