found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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