He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
