I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
