HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
