I'm jealous of your bromance
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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