the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
