all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
