My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
