umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
