So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
