You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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