kristin has been a bad kristin
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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