a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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