u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
