there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
