she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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