i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
