My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
