Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
