am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
