he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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