The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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