But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize