When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
