My liver just broke up with me...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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