so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
