Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
