I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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