her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
