i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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