don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
