never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
