Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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