so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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