Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
