Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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