I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
