Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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