so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
