I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
