i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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