I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
