I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
