she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
