Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
