it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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