it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
