my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My vagina is officially offended.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
