but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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