i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
