Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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