"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
