Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found the puke drawer
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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