I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
