The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
