I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
