were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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