: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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