i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
