Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
